Last night, as I sat before the Lord in adoration, He was teaching me about the depths of His love, a love that was sorrowful unto death as He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane. Love accepts suffering for the good of the other, the beloved one. Accepting suffering does not negate the sadness that suffering causes, Jesus experienced sadness, genuine and piercing sorrow as the price of His great love. Thus, our love, in imitation of his, will cost as well, sorrow will pierce our hearts as it did His.
Much of my spiritual reading last night, which came from the book, Behold This Heart, by Thomas Dailey, focused on the aspect of following Jesus that involves accepting the will of God in every area of our lives:
“The spiritual journey, he (St. Francis de Sales) says, requires us to live courageously between two wills of God. The one is God’s ‘signified will’ as it is made know to us by more or less explicit means…The other aspect of the divine will is God’s ‘good pleasure’. “For St. Francis de Sales, this summarily refers to all those things that happen to us but are not brought about by us… In particular, the saint has in mind those inexplicable ways in which we might suffer due to no fault of our own. To accept distressing trials for the love of God, he says, is the high point of charity because our human nature inclines us to avoid or reject whatever pains us.” (Behold This Heart p. 129)
The signified will of God tends to be easy to recognize, even if it isn’t always easy to follow. It includes those laws revealed to us through Sacred Scripture and Tradition, protected and passed on by the Church’s Magisterium. These are revealed truths we can submit to through an act of faith, part of the confession of our Faith.
God’s “good pleasure” can be more challenging as it includes those events and occurrences outside our control that may cause us to suffer, and to do so through no fault of our own. The meditation I was working through included this challenging exhortation, ““Ponder the state of your own soul- and your willingness to follow God’s will in all its manifestations… Consider how you receive the surprises, good and bad, that come with daily life. Acknowledge where you fall short in living courageously between these two wills of God.” (Behold This Heart p. 130-131)
What is it in God’s will, in His good pleasure, that I struggle to accept or to receive for love of Him? The main area that came to mind was when I have to see the suffering of someone I love and am powerless to help them. Lord, how can the suffering of this innocent person be a part of your will? This was the question I wrestled with last night, inviting the Lord into that question.
This morning, at Mass, the homily focused on the peace that comes from Jesus Christ. We were reminded that Jesus Christ is both King of Peace and our own source of peace. Emphasis was again placed on trusting in God’s will and remembering that calm accompanies the agreement of wills, peace comes when my will is aligned to God’s will.
I found this morning’s homily reassuring, but the question remained: where and how do I struggle with aligning myself to God’s will? The, I received a phone call from my mom, which began with her saying, “don’t freak out.” Naturally this caused me to wonder what had happened that would cause me to freak out. My mom then shared the news that one of my nieces and two of my nephews had been in an accident. Peace was not my first reaction. I cried and I questioned.
Eventually I went to adoration. I prayed for my niece and nephews and for the rest of my family as well. I didn’t have the words to express my fear, I couldn’t formulate a prayer on my own, so I leaned into the rosary. Then I just sat before Jesus and let Him work in my heart. I realized He was using this accident to invite me deeper into trust of Him.
This was, as St. Francis de Sales would say, His “good pleasure.” I might not understand that reality, but I could choose through faith to believe it and I could find peace in trusting in God’s love even in this moment of suffering. It was a good reminder too that the suffering I was experiencing was the result of love. It was only because I love my nieces and nephews that such news could wound me. The wound is painful yes, but the love, the relationship, is fully worth the cost. Last night God began spiritually, mentally, and emotionally preparing me to receive this news. He knows the cost of love, the sorrow that it can lead to, and He is tenderly, intimately near to those who choose love anyway. My pierced heart is a part of God’s good pleasure and accepting this truth brings me closer to His pierced heart, which remains the source of my peace.
Prose for the sake of Poetry 