I have a good friend who likes to quote St. John Henry Newman saying, “10,000 difficulties do not make one doubt.” I appreciate both the quote and being reminded of it often. In recent months I have found it a helpful idea to return to and to ruminate on and in doing so I have grown in my appreciation of and gratitude for the truth of it.
Our Catholic faith is rich, a treasure trove of teachings that are profoundly beautiful, meaningful, and true. Some of these truths are complex, they require thought, questioning, and they can be difficult to accept. Doctrines such as Transubstantiation, our understanding of the True Presence of Jesus Christ in the Eucharist, or moral teachings on subjects like sexuality, can give people pause. Their truth is not immediately evident to our intellect.
There is nothing wrong with finding some of the Church’s teachings difficult. Truth can withstand being questioned, and wrestling with difficulties can ultimately deepen our faith as we come to see and understand the whys behind the teachings. Even if there are times when we do not come to a satisfactory understanding, continuing to question, to grabble, leads us closer to God because if we seek to know the truth we will, without fail, find the One who is Truth.
Though I tend to think of Newman’s quote with regard to intellectual difficulties, those of a theological nature, I have found the statement to be true in the face of more personal difficulties and challenges to the faith as well. Often it isn’t a matter of doctrine that a person is wrestling with but one regarding their experience of or relationship with God.
Difficulties arise and can lead to discouragement, doubt, and despair when a person of faith encounters suffering, whether their own or that of a loved one. Faith can be tried, weakened, shaken when earnest, heartfelt prayer is met with what seems like silence from God or when His ways are frustratingly inscrutable. These difficulties can be even more challenging than theological ones because there is not an authoritative body of teaching to have recourse to when seeking answers.
Nevertheless, at least for myself, I have found that such difficulties also do not create doubt. This recognition has led to a deep spirit of gratitude. I know that the strength of my conviction, my faith in the face of numerous difficulties is not so much a reflection of me as it is of God and how He has worked in my life. I have been blessed over the years to have my faith built upon a firm foundation and this building was entirely His gift.
God, who knows and loves each of us intimately and perfectly, works in our individual lives in ways that are suited to us, to who he created us to be. Being the geeky Catholic girl that I am, my initial deeper conversion was largely intellectual. I remember vividly the day I first picked up a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, I was in high school, and I was so excited to discover this book that contained so many answers! My excitement and zeal only grew over the years as I studied philosophy and theology and plumed the wonderful depths of our faith.
At the same time, God was working on me in another level as well. I was learning to pray, to worship, to encounter God, to develop a personal relationship with Him. This life of prayer, enriched through fellowship with others who were living a similar way of life, allowed me to not only have an intellectual conviction about the truths of our faith but also an experiential understanding of the goodness, truth, and beauty of who God is.
These two aspects together, mind and heart, have created the foundation that allows me to stand firm, to know with great confidence that no matter what difficulties may arise I need not fear falling into the trap of doubt. Come what may, the God who created me and who has called me to Himself will sustain me on the path of faith, a path that leads to Him.
Prose for the sake of Poetry 