The Cost of Compassion

We live in a world of instant gratification. Comfort is sold to us as the highest goal. Products are marketed as convenient, easy, and effortless. But as I often quote Pope Benedict XVI as saying, “The world offers you comfort, but you were not made for comfort. You were made for greatness.” Greatness requires effort, it isn’t always easy or convenient, but choosing to do the great thing, the challenging, virtuous, sometimes heroic thing makes us better, it ennobles us, helping us become what we were created to be.

Being compassionate is one of those challenging things that takes effort, costs us something, but allows us to act in accord with our own dignity while at the same time honoring the dignity of the person we are showing compassion towards. Compassion means to suffer with. Suffering with another person, being there for them and supporting them in their pain, by definition means we will suffer. It isn’t easy and often it is not quick. Compassion often involves enduring with patience the ongoing burdens of a loved one.

When it comes to suffering, our culture- true to form- tends to advocate for quick, easy solutions, attempting to end or minimize suffering rather than helping the person through it.  Alleviating a person’s suffering is a good goal. But all too often the solutions promoted by the culture only deal with the surface issue, offering a quick fix that does not address the underlying issue or isn’t ultimately in the person’s best interest.

Some of the leading controversial moral issues of the moment illustrate well the world’s flawed approach to those who are suffering. Abortion as the solution to a crisis pregnancy is a prime example. I am not saying that having an abortion is an easy of convenient decision for the pregnant woman. What I am saying is that is an easy and convenient solution for the world to offer. Is pregnancy challenging, causing suffering? End the pregnancy, problem solved, next please. And most abortion facilities offer nothing more than that, the problem has been dealt with, the suffering alleviated, and they are free from any further responsibility. But it isn’t that easy for the woman who now has to deal with the physical, mental, and emotional ramifications of the abortion.

A more compassionate response would be to treat the pregnant woman with the dignity that she deserves by walking with her through and after the pregnancy, making sure she is receiving the physical, emotional, and finance support she needs in the midst of her suffering. This is harder, it requires a commitment to the person. The results are not as immediate, but they are infinitely better and longer lasting.

We see the same thing in the case of euthanasia for those who are suffering from terminal or chronic illness. Again, I want to be clear that I am not arguing that making the decision to end a person’s life is easy or that doing so involves no cost. However once done, it is done. Sitting by a person in hospice, caring for them in their pain, witnessing their pain, unable to help is much harder. Here I am not advocating for suffering for suffering’s sake. Pain medication, treatments, procedures that provide relief are all gladly welcomed. My point is that ending a person’s life is not compassionate, you are no longer able to suffer with them because they are no longer alive. We do not know what is happening in a person’s soul in the last weeks, days, moments of their lives but often it is in and through the suffering they endure that they are being purified, prepared for their heavenly homeland. It is not our place to rob them that opportunity, rather it is our place to comfort and console them as we enter into their suffering with them.

In probably the most controversial area of all, we see this same tendency away from compassion and towards an easy and quick solution in the transgender movement. I again want to be very clear; I do not think that a young person who is making the choice to transition genders is making an easy or convenient choice, nor is the process itself in any way easy or effortless. However, sadly, what often happens when an adolescent expresses concerns or anxiety because of their gender, is that they are offered the option of transitioning as a quick fix, a solution that serves to negate the need to address whatever underlying trauma, wounds, or mental health issues might be the ultimate cause of the person’s suffering.

A more compassionate response would be to walk the long road of healing with the young person, to offer comfort, counsel, and guidance as the go through the natural transition of adolescence. Trauma and mental health concerns should get the care and attention they deserve while the often-slow process of healing unfolds. Instead, a confused, anxious, suffering child is given puberty blockers and injections of hormones and are burdened with making a decision and at young age that will impact them for the rest of their lives. Those who have the responsibility to care for them can feel good because they have provided a solution to their problem, a brave, “compassionate” solution that in reality relieves them, the responsible adults, of the burden of years of doing the harder but much greater work of walking along side that young person in their suffering and helping to ensure they come out healthier and stronger on the other end.

The idea that what is best for us is what is easiest, most convenient, requires the least effort is false and degrading. It minimizes the human person, asking less of us then what we are capable of, thereby weakening or capacity for greatness. We were made for greatness; it is time that we stop settling for less.